“Throw in another sex scene!” said the guy who was betaing (is that a word?) my most recent book. Then he added: “You know you want to!”
Well, actually I didn’t want to. Not because I don’t like writing sex scenes between my characters, because I do. These guys love each other, or are well on their way to loving each other and I want them to show it! But I don’t think the point to gay romance is two guys (or more) clawing at each other every other paragraph. I don’t write erotica. I write romance.
My assumption is that these guys are having sex a lot more often than I’m writing about it. My book doesn’t chronicle every second of their day. There’s a story going on here and I write in service to that story, not to my character’s libido. I mean there are only so many ways that two human beings can make love. The logistics of the experience are well known. There’s no doubt that you can explore a ton of alternative positions like armpits and what have you. I also realize that there are many types of sexual experiences open for writers to explore and that’s all very well and good.
But basic meat and potatoes sex isn’t really all that complicated. Two penis’s, two testicles, two pair of hands, two mouths, two anal openings. That’s pretty much the basic equipment. Now combine them in any way that suits you. After awhile though it would all have to come out sounding pretty much the same, at least mechanically. Insert tab A into slot B.
What makes a sex scene unique, in my opinion, isn’t the sex, it’s the feelings being expressed during the sex. It’s the emotions that lead TO the sex. It’s the sentiments that are expressed AFTER the sex. The sex itself, the mechanics of it all… who cares? To me that’s barely worth mentioning. How many ways ARE there to give a blowjob? Only one that I know of. But there are a million ways to experience that blowjob both as a giver and a receiver and THAT is where my interest lies.
It’s that singular moment – that split second – when their eyes meet and their very souls cry out in an ecstasy that is secondary to the unity of their bodies. That’s where the story lives. If I can somehow capture that moment, then it’s not a sex scene anymore. It is a joining of two human spirits that transcends the physical. A joining that fills an emptiness which is experienced in the spirit rather than in the body. I want to write sex scenes where bodies are a means to that end rather than the end itself.
I want my characters to feel differently after they’ve made love. I want them to BE different. I want the experience to bring a sea-change that alters them and their relationship in ways which are fundamental to the story I’m trying to tell.
In Love’s Magic, the very first time Colin and Joshua make love, Colin is instantly transformed. He might not have fully realized it at the time, and god knows he put them both through the tortures of the damned before he’d finally admit it. But the experience altered him. It opened a place within him which had been crusted over and barricaded tightly shut. Joshua’s kind, gentle nature touched that wounded place within our tough, Irish cop and coaxed open a small window allowing healing and light to penetrate.
That’s what a sex scene should do, in my opinion. It should bring light to the dark places within our character’s soul. At least the ones we write about should. Every sexual encounter between our guys might not bring that sense of profound healing and change. Sometimes they’re just making love. It’s pleasurable and satisfying and they enjoy the hell out of it, but it doesn’t move their souls. Those moments are fun for them and I’m glad they have those moments. I just don’t want to write about them. I’ll give them their privacy during those encounters. I’ll only stick my nose in when they have those soul-moving moments that propel our story, and their relationship into new and unexplored territory!
So, nope. I didn’t add another sex scene. I did want to, he wasn’t wrong. But truth is… I just didn’t see the point.
Note: This interview takes place during the time of Love’s Magic, but before its climactic ending.
Interviewer: Why did you want to become a psychologist.
Joshua: I suppose the main reason was so I could help others find healing from the emotional damage they’d suffered in their lives. As one who has acquired a bit of emotional baggage myself, I can relate to my patients and in helping them, I hope to, perhaps, find my own healing.
Interviewer: How would you describe your relationship with Colin Campbell?
Joshua: We’re friends and we work together, at least that’s how he sees it.
Interviewer: And how do you see it?
Joshua: I don’t know how anyone could be around Colin and not fall in love with him. Perhaps I see it that way because I have a weakness for men like him, and by that I mean men with whom I have no chance whatsoever of forming a real relationship.
At McCafferty’s, the boys who hang around the piano bar hoping to get a little time with him call him ‘The Magic Man’. And I suppose that says it as well as anything could. Once he casts his spell on you, you’re hooked forever. His kind of enchantment doesn’t go away. I’m not sure how anyone could resist him. And by that I don’t mean just gay men. I mean anyone. Male or female. Gay or straight. He has a magnetism that simply can’t be denied.
Interviewer: So you’re saying you’re in love with him.
Joshua: I guess I am saying that. Maybe I just want to think that he can’t be resisted because I couldn’t resist him. 😉
Interviewer: You seem to see more of him that most of the men he dates.
Joshua: Well, I think there are two reasons for that. 1.) We work together so stopping for a drink after work is easy and natural. And 2.) I’m a pretty good cook and Colin likes to eat, so it’s not hard for me to lure him to my apartment for dinner now and then.
But the fact that I get more time with him than some of the guys he sees socially doesn’t mean a thing. He makes it clear to me all the time that we’re not in ‘a relationship’, that we’re not ‘involved’ in any way.
Interviewer: That seems cruel.
Joshua: No, Colin is never cruel. When he speaks to me about the ‘status’ of our relationship he always does so with a great deal of kindness. He’s aware of how I feel about him, and he genuinely doesn’t want to hurt me. It’s very important to him to be honest with me so that I don’t get any erroneous ideas about where our relationship is heading. And I don’t.
Interviewer: Where do you think it’s heading?
Joshua: My assumption is that eventually I’ll back away and stop seeing him. In fact I’ve started to back away already.
Interviewer: Why?
Joshua: It’s inevitable that our relationship will end, at least our social/sexual relationship. Colin doesn’t form lasting relationships. Everything is short-term with him. He guards his independence with fierce determination, almost like he’s afraid to get too close to anyone.
And, frankly, I can’t go on seeing him on a purely sexually basis. I feel too strongly about him to minimize what we share by accepting it as being that one-dimensional. In a way, I respect him too much… respect how I feel about him too much settle for being his ‘fuck buddy’. The way I feel about Colin deserves more.
Interviewer: Isn’t it rather self-defeating to spend time with someone who obviously doesn’t return your feelings?
Joshua: I thought about it a lot even before we got together for the first time. Colin is a perfect fit for every single neurosis that plagues my mind and heart. He meshes seamlessly with the low sense of self-worth I received as a gift from my abusive father. I knew before we kissed for the first time that I’d fall for him and probably end up with a broken heart.
But you have to know Colin. You have to be around him to understand. He’s so incredibly magnetic. He crackles with energy and zest for life. He smiles, and the temperature in the room goes up ten degrees. He sings like an angel and dances like a sex-obsessed whirlwind. He is every kind of charismatic you can imagine. He’s FUN! He’s a prankster. He makes every moment you’re with him entertaining and enjoyable. How could I NOT drink from that cup when it was offered? How could I say ‘no’ to that experience even knowing it came with a painful emotional price tag? I guess the fact is I couldn’t.
Interviewer: Does Colin have emotional baggage?
Joshua: I’m sure he does. In fact, I feel strongly that everything in his life revolves around a core emotional experience that he has yet to deal with fully. I don’t know what it is and I dare not ask. The walls he’s built around that part of his life are not only high and thick, they are as sensitive to the touch as an aching tooth. If you get too close to that place inside him, he recoils as though he’s been shot, and literally snarls like a wounded animal. I’d give anything if he’d let me help him. Anything. But he protects that secret with a fierce resolve. No one gets close enough to see or understand it. Certainly I haven’t. I only know it dominates his life.
Interviewer: Your father was abusive?
Joshua: He was – and still is as far as I know – an alcoholic who was both physically and emotionally abusive to my mother and myself, which naturally enough led me to approach life from a fairly introverted perspective. Even after eight years of training as a psychologist which taught me all I’d ever need to know about the issues which arise from an abusive childhood, there’s still a little boy inside me who believes it was his fault that his father didn’t seem to love him. I know in my mind that this is an erroneous concept. None of it was my fault. But knowing and believing can be two different things. Your mind can lie to you.
My father used to lock me in a dark closet for hours on end. I’d just sit there alone and cry. So my fear of abandonment and betrayal is quite high. I suppose with Colin, the fact that I knew from the get-go where it was heading bypassed any sense of betrayal I might feel when it ends. It’s not a betrayal. It’s not abandonment. It’s just Colin being Colin… which he’s been totally honest about from the very beginning.
Interviewer: Where is your father now?
Joshua: When I was eight years old he broke my arm when I tried to stop him from beating on my mother. We both ended up in the hospital and she filed charges against him. When he discovered that there was a warrant out for his arrest he fled to Canada and as far as we know he’s still there. We never heard from him again.
Interviewer: What is it like to work with Colin? Isn’t it hard given how you feel about him?
Joshua: It’s not hard at all. It’s a joy. No one who hasn’t see Colin operate as a police officer really knows him. The guys at the bar who think he’s hot and crave time in bed with him don’t know him at all. He is nothing like the persona he flashes in those social environments. Nothing.
He’s absolutely one-hundred per-cent dedicated to helping the victims of violent crime. When he deals with these victims he is gentle and incredibly protective. He can be almost obsessive about putting the perpetrators of these crimes behind bars and takes it very personally when the victims won’t prosecute or when he is unable to make a case against the accused.
There’s something deeper going on inside him when it comes to these cases. I don’t know what it is yet, but the work he does is more personal to him than one might consider normal. Watching him… helping him with these cases is tremendously fulfilling. And, he needs me. I help him find perspective at times when his emotions get too involved. And that makes me feel good.
Interviewer: Colin is unquestionably an alpha male. Is it hard to keep your own personality intact when you’re around him? Doesn’t he tend to overpower you?
Joshua: I don’t let that happen. Firstly, I don’t see him that much outside of work. Not only because he wants it that way, but also because I want it that way. He loses interest quickly so I try to maintain a bit of distance so that he doesn’t become bored with me.
Secondly, I know Colin well enough to know that he wouldn’t waste even a half-second of his precious time on a man he couldn’t respect. If I let him ride rough-shod over me I’d lose his respect and I’d never see him again. He may end up ending our social relationship… or I will. But when we walk away from each other, I insist that it be from a position of respect. I don’t let him push me around. I don’t let him disregard my feelings and opinions. He doesn’t have to return my feelings and I know damn well he doesn’t. But I do insist that he respect them. And he does.
Interviewer: What’s he like when he’s angry? Does he get angry with you?
Joshua: He’s Irish. Of course he gets angry. But oddly enough the angrier Colin gets, the quieter he gets. Colin hates losing control. He keeps a tight rein on his feelings. So, no, I’ve never seen him explode with anger. He’s been annoyed with me a few times… mainly at those times when I show too much emotion or get too sentimental with him. But he never yells at me or become abusive. He simply takes me home and doesn’t call me for a week. I guess he figures that’s punishment enough.
Interviewer: Is it?
Joshua: It’s punishment, because I do like being with him. But I still see him at work so it’s not like he can cut me out of his life completely even when he’s annoyed with me. And I’ll say this… when he gets in those moods I say and do nothing. I don’t ask him what’s wrong. I don’t tell him I miss him. I say and do nothing. Moments like those are a test and I make damn sure I pass. Getting clingy with Colin is a sure-fire way to get yourself kicked to the curb.
Interviewer: What kind of lover is he?
Joshua: Just what you’d expect. He’s as good at that as he is at everything else he does. The times when we make love are the weirdest moments in our relationship in ways. He’s so accessible then. So emotionally available. It’s almost as though those moments make it hard for him to keep his emotional barriers in place.
Don’t get me wrong. He doesn’t get all lovey-dovey even when we make love. He’s still Colin and he still keeps his distance. But there’s something in his eyes when he looks at me then… an openness that I don’t see at any other time.
He knows it too. He knows I see it. He teeters on the brink of something at times like those. It’s as though he knows he’s on the thin edge of letting himself feel something that is normally barricaded behind a million layers of rock. And, naturally enough, that makes him angry. Not angry at me. Angry at himself. And… at those moments he always has to reiterate that we’re not – and never will be – in a real relationship. I’ve almost come to expect it. And I’ve learned not to let it bother me.
Interviewer: What will you do when it ends? Won’t it be hard to go on working with him?
Joshua: I’ll probably move back to Glencoe, Illinois when our relationship ends. I’m sick of working for Title IX anyway. It’s too restrictive. I have too many limitations put on what I can or can’t say to my patients. I need a more open environment. As far as Colin goes… it’ll be hard to leave Charlottesville knowing I’ll probably never see him again. I feel certain that when I go I’ll be taking a broken heart with me. But being with him has been worth it. It really has. He’s a rare and incredible man and I know he’s not someone I will ever get over or forget. I’m not sure how anyone could.
Interviewer: Pick a song that describes you and Colin.
Joshua: Could it be anything else?
Magic Man
Cold, late night so long ago
When I was not so strong you know
A pretty man came to me
I never seen eyes so blue
You know, I could not run away it seemed
We’d seen each other in a dream
Seemed like he knew me, he looked right through me, yeah
“Come on home, girl” he said with a smile
“you don’t have to love me yet, let’s get high awhile
But try to understand, try to understand
Try, try, try to understand, I’m a magic man”
Winter nights we sang in tune
Played inside the months of moon
“Never think of never..let this spell last forever”
Well, summer lover passed to fall
Tried to realize it all
Mama says she’s worried, growing up in a hurry
“Come on home, girl” Mama cried on the phone
“Too soon to lose my baby yet, my girl should be at home”
But try to understand, try to understand
Try, try, try to understand, he’s a magic man, Mama, ah
He’s a magic man
“Come on home, girl” he said with a smile
“I cast my spell of love on you, a woman from a child”
But try to understand, try to understand
Oh, oh, try, try, try to understand,
He’s a magic man, oh, he’s got the magic hands
Oh’s over top
“Come on home, girl” he said with a smile
“You don’t have to love me yet, let’s get high awhile”
But try to understand, try to understand
Try, try, try to understand, he’s a magic man, yeah, oh
LOTS and lots of events happening as the release date for Love’s Trials approaches. Many readers are dying to know what comes next for Colin and Joshua and Love’s Trials will provide all the answers. This dynamic and remarkable couple stole everyone’s heart, and Love’s Trials will not only answer all our reader’s question but will explore Colin and Joshua’s lives with a depth and intimacy that will take your breath away.
Not all goes well for our heroes in Love’s Trials. As the name might suggest, they are forced to deal with forces outside their control which threaten not only their relationship, but their very existence.
As the release date for Love’s Trials grows closer I’ll be revealing more and more details about what lies ahead for Colin and Joshua. Most of these details will be discussed during Author Takeovers I’ll be doing on Facebook. These events are a ton of fun and offer readers the chance to ask questions, win prizes, and gain access to teasers, excerpts, and swag which will be offered nowhere else.
The Revolutionary Heart website has just introduced an Event Calendar which will let you keep track of ALL the important Takeovers, Cover Reveal, and Release Day Events taking place. Be sure to check it out so you don’t miss a chance to get in on the fun and prizes! Please note that most Author Takeovers which are held in Facebook Groups require you to join the group before the event takes place.
Here’s a list of my current events!! Hope you can join me for lots of fun, prizes, and giveaways!
Authors T.N. Nova and Colette Davison will be doing a TAKEOVER in my group, Jan’s Jazzy Jammers!! You won’t want miss the fun! Giveaways, prizes, and excerpts from their upcoming release ‘For Your I Fall’!
Please join me in the wonderful group ‘MM BANTER’ for an Author Takeover.
Date: August 26th Time: 3:00 PM Central – 1:00 PM Pacific
There will be GIVEAWAYS, PRIZES, excerpts from
my upcoming release ‘Love’s Trials’ and tons of fun.
Please join the group before the event takes place.
Join me in Aimee’s Dye Hards for an afternoon of fun, giveaways, prizes and excerpts from my latest novel! Be sure to join the group before the takeover date!
Date: September 12th Time: 1:00 PM Eastern – 10:00 AM Pacific
Join me for an Author TAKEOVER in Denning’s Darlings! We’ll be doing giveaways, handing out prizes, playing games, and showing excerpts and video teasers for my upcoming release, Love’s Trials!! DON’T MISS IT! Please remember to join the group before the takeover date.
Date: September 26
Time: 12:00 PM Eastern – 9:00 AM Pacific
Join me in author T.N Nova’s SUPERNOVAS group for an Author Takeover! We’ll be talking almost exclusively about the stunning new sequel to Love’s Magic entitled LOVE’S TRIALS! There will be giveaways, swag envelope prizes, games, and tons of fun!! Please be sure to join the group before the takeover event!
Date: October 4th
Time: 2:00 PM Eastern – 11:00 AM Pacific
An interviewer asked me this: Tell me one thing hardly anyone knows about you.
Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that I spent 15 years reading Tarot cards and doing Astrological horoscopes for a living. Not only that, but I taught the very first online Tarot class in the history of the world and this was loooong before the Internet. It was on a service known as Quantum-Line, or Q-link which was the precursor to AOL. I taught classes there, led full moon meditations. It was great, GREAT fun!
And it was the beginning of what is now, of course, a world-wide phenomenon, the WEB. It was more fun back then because we were involved in ground-breaking activities and making our own rules up as we went… always MY favorite thing to do.
I enjoyed reading Tarot cards. I never saw them as a way to tell fortunes or predict the future. I used them much as a psychologist (Joshua?) would use ink-blots. They’re a great psychological tool, and a lot of fun.
I’ve always seen the Magician as the card meant for authors. The Magician lifts his wand toward the skies to call on inspiration and then uses the tools he has been given to make that inspiration manifest in the world. This is what authors do all the time. Even those authors who have yet to sell even one book have created something magical. They have drawn on the power of the Universe and manifested that power on Earth. I don’t care if it’s a children’s book, a cookbook, or a contemporary gay romance novel like mine… they are all a manifestation of what is most divine within each of us.
Colin’s card would have to be the Knight of Wands. Wands represents the element of fire, and I don’t think anyone would dispute me when I say that Colin is a man who overflows with fiery dynamism. He is the poster boy for primal energy, inspiration, and just plain life force. He’s enthusiastic and courageous. If you wanted to ‘light a fire under’ someone, Colin would be the perfect guy for the job. And as a Knight of Wands he wields that fire as any gallant Knight would… with courage, passion, and in a way that inspires all of us. Joshua likens Colin to Don Quixote since Colin’s quest in life, at least as Joshua sees it, is to defend the helpless and destroy the wicked. But for Colin it’s more than a quest, it’s the driving force of his life. The Knight of Wands is not someone who could ever back down or take a back seat to anyone. He’s at the forefront of every battle and in the thick of any conflict where his ideals are being challenged. Look at him holding the reins, totally in control of the wildly rearing animal with only one hand. And you can bet he makes sure there’s an audience there watching him do it. The Knight of Wands is a showoff!! He likes attention and applause.
I’ll also add that Colin absolutely sizzles with sexual heat. As Joshua noted from the moment they first met, Colin smolders with an almost dangerously seductive quality that makes him nearly impossible to resist. His is ever the ‘knight in shining armor’ charging off to meet whatever danger or challenge is foolish enough to cross his path.
The Knight of Wands will be your champion. But he can also be the chaotic force that dances through your life, leaving a tangled chaotic mess behind him. He’s a force to reckon with. Just ask Joshua.
I see Joshua as the King of Cups a card symbolized by the element of water. Emotional, healing, and always led by love, this card truly represents the rulership of the heart. But at the same time, he is a King and represents authority and responsibility. In this case, the King can feel responsible for the emotions of others and also be very much in tune with what others are feeling. This emphatic nature helps Joshua understand Colin better than Colin understands himself. During their very first get-together in Love’s Magic Joshua startles Colin by speaking with complete understanding about Colin’s most deeply held secret. See this excerpt:
“So,” Colin said, “I have a great heart, huh?”
“One of the greatest, I suspect,” Joshua replied.
Colin looked at him thoughtfully. “I’m afraid I may end up disappointing you, Josh. I’m really not all that noble.”
Joshua frowned and shook his head. “I disagree. There is something innately noble about you, Colin. Something beyond the ordinary. You’re not just a cop doing a job. It’s somehow greater than that.” He drew in a deep breath and when he spoke again his voice was low and warm with meaning. “I was serious when I compared you to Don Quixote. You seem to view your work as a personal mission. A way to right some terrible wrong. Like a knight on a noble quest.”
For a moment there was silence.
Joshua’s eyes dropped. “That’s what I see when I look at you, Colin,” he said. “A knight on a noble quest.” He lifted his head and met Colin’s eyes. “And, yeah. I know I sound like a hopeless romantic.”
Momentarily speechless, Colin’s stared at him, his heart stuttering in his chest, his honeyed-green eyes wide with surprise. Joshua knew no more about Colin than any other causal relationship in his life. And yet, without even realizing it, he had just spoken with eloquence and hair-raising accuracy of the most deeply hidden truth in Colin’s heart. “You’re…” Colin hesitated then drew in a quick breath, “…you’re damned insightful, Joshua.”
Joshua’s empathetic nature makes him a natural as a psychologist. And yet the King of Cups can often find that understanding his own emotions is a much greater challenge than understanding the feelings of others. Joshua suffered severe emotional and physical abuse as a child and the roiling waters of his emotions reflect the pain of those early years. Joshua still struggles to understand and overcome the damage done by those difficult years in his life. The King of Cups can be very introverted. He can internalize his feelings and find it difficult to trust others enough to establish real emotional intimacy.
Joshua’s King of Cups can sit on a very lonely throne. He can isolate himself to the point where it becomes difficult to reach out to others. And he can be totally prepared to flee at a moment’s notice when he suspects betrayal or abandonment may lie ahead. Joshua ran away from Colin after their first fight, convinced that offering his love to his magical Knight of Wands was a hopeless flight of fancy. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in Colin. He didn’t believe in himself.
Colin, as Joshua’s ‘Knight in shining armor’ helps him find healing and peace but only after they both face the inner demons symbolized by their Tarot card. Colin must lay aside his devotion to ‘self-image’ and allow himself to be vulnerable enough to go after Joshua and seek his forgiveness. The cool, healing waters of Joshua’s presence quench the fires of Colin’s inner Knight.
Joshua must forget his childhood fears enough to trust in Colin’s love. He must lay aside the lack of self-worth he was taught in his childhood and come to believe that he deserves the love of the Knight and champion who has swept him off his feet.
Understanding the meaning of their Tarot card gives me insight into the motivation, goals, and needs of my characters! And… it’s a fun way to relax when I’ve spent too much time bending over the computer, writing!!
I’d love it if you would join my ‘Jan’s Jazzy Jammers’ readers group here on Facebook! These special folks will be the first to see teasers, excerpts, and videos for my upcoming release, Love’s Trials. PLUS they’ll be winning prizes from exclusive contests held only in that group.
I’m a straight woman who writes gay romance. I’ve been writing it almost since I was able to write. I was writing it before I knew what a homosexual was or what they did. I wasn’t writing sex scenes. I was writing love scenes. Because that’s what I write about. Love.
I had not one fucking clue what guys did in bed together. Trust me, as young as I was when I first began fantasizing about men loving men I didn’t have one fucking clue what ANYONE did in bed together, male/male, female/female/ male/female or any other combination you could imagine. I was an ignorant country girl who knew nothing about sex. I just know I loved the idea of two guys loving each other.
Fast forward to the days after I discovered that I wasn’t the only one who felt this way… (See my previous post ‘The Longest Journey’) … the days when I first began writing slash fan fiction. At that time I wrote in the toughest slash fiction genre in existance. I wrote RPF slash.
For anyone who doesn’t know, RPF slash means writing ‘real person’ slash. Slash fiction where the characters are real, living human beings. For reference simply type ‘J2 slash’ into Google and you’ll have forty-seven trillion examples of what I mean.
In those days writing RPF was frowned upon, even by other writers of slash fiction and the small group of us who wrote in that genre labored under the distinct impression that we were the proverbial red-headed stepchild. We were told in no uncertain terms that we were an embarrassment to the rest of the slash writing community. We were encouraged to both hide our heads in shame and hide our stories in dark corners where no decent writer of slash fiction would ever have to look at them. My response to their ravings was to say ‘fuck you!’ and go on writing my stories.
Dealing with all of this crap was a huge pain in the butt back then, particularly in the Lord of the Rings slash fandom. When the movies first came out, focus on the male actors was damn near obsessive and the RPF slash writers who wrote them were under constant attack for doing so. At one point I even received a death-threat.
Dealing with all this left me very little time or emotional energy left to consider whether or not I should be writing gay fiction as a straight woman. I just wrote it and in the beginning I confess that I wrote it poorly. In the beginning my characters weren’t all that believable. And I feel sure that if anyone possessing real knowledge of what two men do in bed together had read my early slash stories, they would have immediately run off in search of an insulin injection. The men in my stories were femmy and unrealistic. The sex scenes… ditto.
I was still an ignorant farm girl who didn’t know what she was doing and knew even less about the reality of M/M relationships. I doubt if I’d ever, to my knowledge, actually met a gay man. All I knew was what I loved. And even back then I stove with every fiber of my being to value the love in my stories above sex… important though it is and as much as I love writing it.
But I was also smart enough to realize how little I knew about the reality of MM relationships and I because I loved writing gay romance and because I loved my characters and wanted them to be as good as I could possibly make them, I went in search of the truth… or at least what truth was available back then.
I was fortunate, because there was a wonderful, amazing, gay man named Minotaur. He attended every slash fiction conference out there (not many at the time) and offered panels specifically designed to teach writers of slash fiction the reality of MM relationships, particularly when it comes to what happens in bed.
His blog (which is STILL up and available) discussed every single aspect of male/male sex complete with illustrations. He has a HUGE question and answer section which provides information on every aspect of the M/M sexual relationship. Here is one example:
Dramatic asks,
I was wondering, when I guy has sex the first time and he’s on the bottom, how much would it hurt when the other man enters him? Would it tear skin, cause bleeding at all? Who would get the orgasm first, the one on top or bottom? I suppose top, but…
Dear Dramatic,
The pain a guy feels the first time he bottoms depends on a bunch of factors. How comfortable is he with the idea of getting fucked? How comfortable is he with the other guy? How scared is he? How horny? How drunk? All these, and more, will have a profound effect on how much pain he feels – if any.
If he’s comfortable, and turned on, and relaxed, he may feel no pain at all. If he’s tense, or nervous, or conflicted about the act, he may feel too much pain to complete the act.
It’s not like a woman’s first time – where the hymen gets broken. There is no *physical* reason why a guy can’t enjoy his first experience of anal sex – it’s mostly psychological. The more tense a guy is, the less his anal sphincter muscles will be able to relax and allow penetration. The more relaxed he is, the more control he’ll have over his own body, and the easier it will be.
As for the orgasm, there’s no way to tell who will pop first. It depends on what’s going on. Is the bottom enjoying himself? Is the top prone to pop quickly, or can he last all night? Too many factors to predict with any accuracy
— Minotaur
His answers were straight-forward, blunt, graphic, to the point, and pulled no punches. He was over-the-top about the importance of safe sex and spoke of it constantly. He was a mentor to every slash writer of my generation and his website is STILL one of the most valuable resources a writer of gay romance can find.
So I make no apologies for being a straight woman writing gay romance. I had a great mentor, and one of the main things he taught me was to never close my mind to any situation that develops between two human beings no matter what their gender or sexual orientation.
Sadly, Minotaur died in 2009 of a massive heart attack, but his wisdom and journal lives on in perpetuity. I feel sure that slash writers and gay romance writers STILL visit his website. I also feel sure that any writer of gay fiction who goes to Minotaur’s website will learn something valuable about their genre and be a better writer for having visited. I’m just grateful that he was around when I first started to write slash fiction.
What I love most about him is that he valued the women who were trying to articulate their love of gay romance and gay fiction. He valued us enough to become our teacher and to be certain we had all the knowledge we needed in order to write our genre with truth and authority.
I still miss him. I still value him. I still feel grateful to him. And I still honor him for taking all of us under his wing.
I was asked what tool I use that makes the writing process go more easily and efficiently, and my answer to that question would have to be Scrivener. I’m not the world’s most organized person and my writing process was sometimes scattered and chaotic. Scrivener helped me organize my thoughts and keep everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, connected with my writing project in one, well-ordered place.
Each of my chapters has it’s own folder and underneath that chapter I can use the corkboard feature to post any snippet of thought or sudden flash of insight I might have about where this chapter should lead. Under the chapter called Changes I’ve got two notes (which I’m not going to show you yet… ). Ideas that I can incorporate into that chapter at a later date. Helps me keep my thoughts organized. I can move them around and reorder them if the action sequence needs to be changed, and along with it’s hefty outlining component, it is a great brainstorming tool.
I keep lots and lots of reference material in my Scrivener file for every book I write. I have a folder for research, , one for characters, one for places, one for cuts, and one which stores character sheet templates. I love the folder for cuts. It allows me to remove segments of a chapter which no longer seem to fit and store the scene in the ‘cuts’ folder in case I decide use it at a later date in a different chapter.
Scrivener will compile your entire work into any number of formats from ebook to PDF and it offers many options for formatting your material. It even inserts front material and cover images.
Scrivener allows you to create, organize, and edit, all in one piece of software with every single piece of information you might need all right there at your fingertips. You get the functions of a word processor with the added benefit of the organizational tools and information a writer might need, all in the same software.
Scrivener also lets you label any component in your Scrivener file in any color you choose. The chapters marked in purple, for instance, are completed chapters while the ones labeled in blue are still in the hands of my editor.
Scrivener, quite simply, handles everything. It keeps all the information pertinent to your ongoing work in one place. You can import and store everything in one convenient file. I’m not beginning to cover all the functions which Scrivener provides. I encourage you to download it for yourself and give it a try. Scrivener is available for both Mac and Windows and comes with a thirty-day trial period which allows you plenty of time to discover if it’s the right tool for you.
I couldn’t get along without it and I think that once you’ve tried it, you’ll feel the same way.
This song is, of course, more from Colin’s point of view and about Joshua. It comes slowly and not without huge firestorms of pain and bitter regret. But eventually Colin does come to realize that Joshua is his strength, or as he comes to call him, his oak. Colin’s always been the star. The alpha male. The big, strong, Irish cop who takes care of everyone else. But Joshua with his calm, steady presence has become the wind beneath his wings.
Ohhhh, oh, oh, oh, ohhh.
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
To never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that’s your way.
You always walked a step behind.
So I was the one with all the glory,
While you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.
Did you ever know that you’re my hero,
And everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings.
It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
But I’ve got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.
Did you ever know that you’re my hero?
You’re everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings.
Did I ever tell you you’re my hero?
You’re everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings,
’cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
So high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.
As David struggles against the many fears which haunt him the one truth he can’t escape is that he is bound, heart and soul, to the blue-eyed angel who stole his heart. Again and again David is forced to face the same fears he has battled since childhood. Their relationship teeters on the brink of destruction before David finally realizes that he is much more bound to Nate than he is to any of the dark forces which have always haunted him. Finally he know that he could lose everything else in his life and be happy as long as Nate was by his side.
Sweet love, sweet love
Trapped in your love
I’ve opened up, unsure I can trust
My heart and I were buried in dust
Free me, free us
You’re all I need when I’m holding you tight
If you walk away I will suffer tonight
I found a man I can trust
And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?
I finally found my way
I am bound to you
I am bound to you
So much, so young, I’ve faced on my own
Walls I built up became my home
I’m strong and I’m sure there’s a fire in us
Sweet love, so pure
I catch my breath we’re just one beating heart
And I brace myself, please don’t tear this apart
I found a man I can trust
And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can’t you see that I’m bound in chains?
I finally found my way
I am bound to you
I am bound to
Suddenly the moment’s here
I embrace my fears
All that I have been carrying all these years
Do I risk it all, come this far just to fall, fall?
This song perfectly describes Colin’s heart after Joshua leaves Virginia without giving any clue where he had gone. Colin didn’t understand his own feelings at first. He only knew that nothing in his life made sense anymore. Since his sister’s death, Colin’s heart had been locked up tight. He refused to cry then or now because losing control was his greatest fear. But Joshua’s quiet, steady presence had cracked the lava-incrusted walls encasing Colin’s wounded heart and he could no longer suppress or control the feelings that raged within him. But from that tsunami of feelings emerged one shining truth, he loved Joshua Abrams. It was now time to lay aside his pride and admit that Joshua was the reason his life was in tatters, and that he had to find a way to fix what he had broken.
This song defines Colin perfectly in the days of Love’s Magic. But this song resonates in his heart hand-in-hand with a terrible and soul-crushing sadness. He IS free. But only in the most mundane sense. In truth his heart is imprisoned by a crushing sense of fear and guilt. If anything, he longs for the very same love and intimacy which he most fears. His love of independence is a façade designed to protect a deeply wounded heart.
She’s a good girl, loves her mama
Loves Jesus and America too
She’s a good girl, who’s crazy ’bout Elvis
Loves horses and her boyfriend too
And it’s a long day livin’ in Reseda
There’s a freeway runnin’ through the yard
And I’m a bad boy, cause I don’t even miss her
I’m a bad boy for breakin’ her heart
Now I’m free
Free fallin’
Yeah, I’m free
Free fallin’
Now all the vampires walkin’ through the valley
Move west down Ventura boulevard
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows
And the good girls are home with broken hearts
Now I’m free
I’m free fallin’
Yeah, I’m free
Free fallin’
Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m
Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now
I wanna glide down over Mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
I’m gonna free fall out into nothin’
Gonna leave this world for awhile
Now I’m free (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)
Free fallin’ (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)
Yeah, I’m free (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)
Free fallin’ (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)
(Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)
Now I’m free
Free fallin’
Oh (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)
Free fallin’ (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)
Now I’m free (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)
Oh, free fallin’ (Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m)
(Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’, now I’m) Free fallin’
Through Love’s Magic David is learning to leave behind the critical voice of his father and find his own worth, with the help of his therapist and from the unwavering support of his loving partner. Nate helped David to find that ‘greatest love’ and stood beside him as it healed his heart.
I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
And so I learned to depend on me
I decided long ago
Never to walk in anyone’s shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I’ll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take away my dignity
Because the greatest
Love of all is happening to me
I found the greatest
Love of all inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all
I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be
I decided long ago
Never to walk in anyone’s shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I’ll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take away my dignity
Because the greatest
Love of all is happening to me
I found the greatest
Love of all inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all
And if, by chance, that special place
That you’ve been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love
Colin was resolved to never allow love to imprison his fiercely independent Irish heart but darkly handsome Joshua Abrams began to slowly break down that resolve. When Colin’s hot, Irish temper ended their relationship he was forced to look within and confront the dark secret which lay at the root of his anger. When Joshua left Colin was sure he’d get over it as he had a thousand times before… but he never made it to the door.
I once thought of love as a prison
a place I didn’t want to be
So long ago, I made a decision
to be footloose and fancy-free
But you came and I was so tempted
to gamble on love just one time
I never thought, that I would get caught
It seemed like the perfect crime
Baby you left me defense-less
I’ve only got one plea
Lock me away, inside of your love
and throw away the key
I’m guilty…of love in the first degree
I thought it would be so simple
like a thousand times before
I’d take what I wanted, and just walk away
but I never made it to the door
Now babe I’m not beggin’ for mercy
go ahead and throw the book at me
If lovin’ you’s a crime
I know that I’m as guilty as a man can be
Baby you left me defense-less
I’ve only got one plea
Lock me away, inside of your love
and throw away the key
I’m guilty…of love in the first degree
Love in the first degree (oh-oh yeah)
Love in the first degree
Oh Yeeeaaaah!
Baby you left me defense-less
I’ve only got one plea
Lock me away, inside of your love
and throw away the key
I’m guilty…of love in the first degree
Joshua knew from the moment of their first meeting that Colin was his ‘magic man’. There was no escape from the overwhelming allure of Colin’s enchantment. But Colin’s refusal to open his heart left Joshua lonely and adrift, and when Colin’s hot, Irish temper exploded and ended their relationship, he knew he had to return home and try to free himself from Colin’s magical hold on his heart.
Cold, late night so long ago
When I was not so strong you know
A pretty man came to me
I never seen eyes so blue
You know, I could not run away it seemed
We’d seen each other in a dream
Seemed like he knew me, he looked right through me, yeah
“Come on home, girl” he said with a smile
“you don’t have to love me yet, let’s get high awhile
But try to understand, try to understand
Try, try, try to understand, I’m a magic man”
Winter nights we sang in tune
Played inside the months of moon
“Never think of never..let this spell last forever”
Well, summer lover passed to fall
Tried to realize it all
Mama says she’s worried, growing up in a hurry
“Come on home, girl” Mama cried on the phone
“Too soon to lose my baby yet, my girl should be at home”
But try to understand, try to understand
Try, try, try to understand, he’s a magic man, Mama, ah
He’s a magic man
“Come on home, girl” he said with a smile
“I cast my spell of love on you, a woman from a child”
But try to understand, try to understand
Oh, oh, try, try, try to understand,
He’s a magic man, oh, he’s got the magic hands
Oh’s over top
“Come on home, girl” he said with a smile
“You don’t have to love me yet, let’s get high awhile”
But try to understand, try to understand
Try, try, try to understand, he’s a magic man, yeah, oh
Nate Reese
Separate Ways
The idyllic life Nate shares with David Gardener is shaken to the core when Nate is injured struggling to protect a student under attack. Traumatized by the incident, Nate seeks answers and resolution by becoming a leader of activist group called ‘End Assault’, a decision which David refuses to support. Feeling abandoned by his lover, Nate is heartbroken and fears their relationship may lose its way in the face of this unresolvable dilemma. He couldn’t change David’s mind. They were world’s apart.
Here we stand
Worlds apart
Hearts broken in two, two, two
Sleepless nights
Losing ground
I’m reaching for you, you, you
Feelin’ that it’s gone
Can’t change your mind
If we can’t go on
To survive the tide
Love divides
Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched
And went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won’t desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched
And went our separate ways
Troubled times
Caught between confusion and pain, pain, pain
Distant eyes
Promises we made were in vain, in vain, in vain
If you must go
I wish you love
You’ll never walk alone
Take care, my love
Miss you, love
Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched
And went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won’t desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched
And went our separate ways
No
Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
If he ever hurts you
True love won’t desert you
You know I still love you
I still love you, girl
I really love you, girl
And if he ever hurts you
True love won’t desert you
No, no
Love’s Magic
Magic
The true enchantment of Love’s Magic is beautifully reflected in this song by Olivia Newton-John. None of the four unique men of Love’s Magic realize the magic that lies within themselves, nor do they yet realize that the magic of the love they feel for their estranged lovers is the key to the healing and peace they have sought all their lives
Ok. Here I come doing what every other author on the planet has done and will always do… beg for reviews.
I know. You’ve heard it all before. ‘Please, PLEEEEASE review my book!’ Believe me, I hate saying it and I’d imagine that every other author is as sick of saying it as I am. You feel like a beggar on a street corner holding out a tin cup. But the nature of published works is that reviews matter. They count. Hell, even a BAD review is better than NO review, which makes little sense to me but which is true none the less.
It’s hard to constantly be asking people to give of their time to write down what they think of your work. It feels awkward and embarrassing. Our readers have already given of their time – not to mention their hard-earned money – to support your work, and here we come asking for even more. I understand why readers get annoyed by the constant pestering. First it’s ‘BUY MY BOOK’! Then it’s ‘REVIEW MY BOOK!’. Soon to be followed, no doubt, by ‘BUY THE SEQUEL TO MY BOOK!’
May I just say this? Authors hate doing it. We cringe inside very single time we put those posts and emails out there. We don’t want to annoy people. We don’t want to be pests. Honestly. But there is also this: We believe in our work. Many if not most of us have spent years developing these books. We’ve made huge investments of time, energy, love, sweat, tears, and often money (for editors, cover artists, promotions, etc… ) all because we honestly believe we’re telling a good story which you would enjoy reading.
Some of us aren’t even in it for the money. We simply love to write, love our characters, and believe we told a great story which we’re dying to share with like-minded folks. And the hard, cold, truth is Amazon rules when it comes to books, and on Amazon reviews are what puts your work at the top of the ‘customers who read this item also bought‘ list, which is where every author yearns to be.
So, dear readers, my plea to you is this. Review, review, review. I don’t care what book it is, write a review. Write two words: ‘Great read!’ and toss in a few stars. Please.
OR.. what the hell, if you didn’t like the book, say so!! But also say why. Don’t just 1-star it and walk away. Tell the author where you think they fell short. You’re entitled to your opinion, and believe me, any reviewer who points out the faults and flaws in my work has done me a huge favor. It may not feel good at the time, but it teaches me what I need to know in order to get better at what I do.
For me the truth is this: I love my characters and I believe in their story. I want my work to do well because I want to attract new readers who will also love my characters and become invested in their story. Please help me, and every other author out there (who I’m sure feels exactly the same way) by reviewing their work on Amazon, Goodreads, Bookbub, Smashwords… you name it.
You will be giving a huge and very welcome gift to folks who have taken the big, scary step of putting their heart’s blood out there for the world to read and judge. Please. Write that review.
I thought a lot about my characters before I started writing Love’s Magic. I chose their names carefully because I wanted the names to say something about their character rather than being merely a meaningless label.
Joshua, for instance, means “Jehovah is generous. Jehovah saves.” In the long run I knew that Joshua was a man who would channel his need for healing into helping others. Josh gives of himself even when he receives nothing in return. The Urban Dictionary says about Joshua “His heart is beautiful, and only very few people have touched it. But he touches the hearts of many and doesn’t even know it.” I think this statement beautifully illustrates his relationship with Colin.
Joshua hid his heart away. His fear of rejection and abandonment made him very self-protective and unable to see his own inner beauty. Not many people saw into his heart. And, certainly, when he and Colin first met he had no idea how deeply his presence affected the feisty Irish police officer. Even after their explosive parting, he remained convinced that Colin’s heart had not been touched by their relationship when nothing could have been further from the truth.
There are a couple meanings I found for Colin’s name, one being ‘victory for the people’ the other being ‘cub’ or ‘child’. Both meanings fit him perfectly. His whole life revolves around his struggle to gain victory for people who’ve been harmed by the world. He fights like ten mad demons to win justice for them. And on many levels, Colin IS a child. He’s carefree and reckless. He’s exciting and enjoyable. He’s just a huge ball of Irish energy unleashed upon the world… and upon Joshua.
The fact that David Gardener’s name means ‘beloved’ is a touch of irony, because David suffered for years from wounds which left a dark shadow over his life, leaving him feeling anything but ‘beloved’. Even his many professional accomplishments couldn’t triumph over the poor self-image he acquired from an overly critical father. When Nate entered his life, he finally began to believe in himself.
The meaning of Nate’s name, “Gift from god”, would perfectly reflect how David felt about his beautiful, creative partner. For Nate, David’s entire being was mirrored in the broad shoulders and sturdy build which reflected the quiet inner strength Nate relied on in both good times and bad. And in being god’s gift to David, he allowed David to believe he was, indeed, beloved.
I enjoyed exploring my characters through this kind of creative lens. It helped me understand them more deeply and, as a result, they become more real to those who visit their world.
I’ve always seen the Magician as the card meant for authors. The Magician lifts his wand toward the skies to call on inspiration and then uses the tools he has been given to make that inspiration manifest in the world. This is what authors do all the time. Even those authors who have yet to sell even one book have created something magical. They have drawn on the power of the Universe and manifested that power on Earth. I don’t care if it’s a children’s book, a cookbook, or a contemporary gay romance novel like mine… they are all a manifestation of what is most divine within each of us.
Colin’s card would have to be the Knight of Wands. Wands represents the element of fire, and I don’t think anyone would dispute me when I say that Colin is a man who overflows with fiery dynamism. He is the poster boy for primal energy, inspiration, and just plain life force. He’s enthusiastic and courageous. If you wanted to ‘light a fire under’ someone, Colin would be the perfect guy for the job. And as a Knight of Wands he wields that fire as any gallant Knight would… with courage, passion, and in a way that inspires all of us. Joshua likens Colin to Don Quixote since Colin’s quest in life, at least as Joshua sees it, is to defend the helpless and destroy the wicked. But for Colin it’s more than a quest, it’s the driving force of his life. The Knight of Wands is not someone who could ever back down or take a back seat to anyone. He’s at the forefront of every battle and in the thick of any conflict where his ideals are being challenged. Look at him holding the reins, totally in control of the wildly rearing animal with only one hand. And you can bet he makes sure there’s an audience there watching him do it. The Knight of Wands is a showoff!! He likes attention and applause.
I see Joshua as the King of Cups a card symbolized by the element of water. Emotional, healing, and always led by love, this card truly represents the rulership of the heart. But at the same time, he is a King and represents authority and responsibility. In this case, the King can feel responsible for the emotions of others and also be very much in tune with what others are feeling. This emphatic nature helps Joshua understand Colin better than Colin understands himself. During their very first get-together in Love’s Magic Joshua startles Colin by speaking with complete understanding about Colin’s most deeply held secret. See this excerpt:
